As many of us have heard before, there are still cultures in the world where wrinkles are valued. They are a sign of knowledge, experience, and wisdom. People in those cultures recognize that the smartest ones there are the ones with the deepest wrinkles!
Not so much here in the United States. Our cultural standards stem from what we see, watch, hear, and read from TV, movies, magazines, etc. For decades the mass media has taught us that aging is something we might want to avoid and if we can't avoid tacking on another birthday, at least look like you're still young! Botox, plastic surgery, face and body creams are preventative and corrective measures to keep us from aging too much on the outside.
It was in this very American society where I grew up. I heard the message of popular culture loud and clear - have perfect skin and a perfect body for as long as possible. When you cannot do that any longer then be prepared to be treated with less respect, not more. I always set out to attain the societal standards I saw displayed by our most prized celebrities, but I succeeded the most with skincare. I can remember at age 12 putting together my elaborate daily bedtime routine that lasted me for years and which included two different face washes, an exfoliator, a mask, and a toner. I also slathered my entire body with creams to make my skin soft, smooth, and lightly fragranced. The end result? Well, I never had terrible break-outs of acne when I was a teenager and most other kids did. I eventually stopped slathering on the full body creams when I was busy dating for marriage (ironic because that is the VERY time I should be starting up something like that!) since my life was very full and extra time was impossible to come by. And how did all the maintenance on my face work out for me two decades later? I'm proud to say that my wrinkles, although visible, were slight and actually elegant. I was proud of them, shockingly.
Then I got married and had a baby who was chronically ill. The wrinkles that were once pleasing turned harsher to match the bags under my eyes from exhaustion and stress due to taking care of my sick daughter alongside my husband. Vanity wasn't a concern to us in those days, obviously. Getting through each night with a baby in pain was.
Finally, I stopped working to stay home and care for my daughter so she could get well and we decided to have another child. And that's when I really learned how to handle the emergence of wrinkles. It was not getting more that made me accept them. It was needing a c-section for my second daughter that did the trick. After having your body carry children, deliver them, and nourish them you can choose to feel differently about your appearance. A c-section dramatically changes the way you think. That procedure saved my life and my daughter's, thank G-d. And I have a not-so-lovely scar to show for it. I don't like the scar, but I think of it as a battle wound. I earned that scar. I suffered for it and the suffering was done for the holy purpose of bringing another precious life into this world. It's like a soldier who fights in a battle and comes out with injuries that show what a courageous act he went through for his country. I didn't risk my life that exact way, but I allowed myself to be changed physically for the c-section and even for pregnancy in the first place. I learned to become as proud of the c-section scar as I did of my formerly beautiful budding wrinkles. I worked for those changes to my body and I will always bear the mark of what it took for me to mother children. How can I regret that?
So I feel similarly about the wrinkles on my face. Although I would like to slow them down tremendously (...maybe erase them a little), those wrinkles show what my husband and I have achieved in the trenches together as parents. And to wish them away would take me back 5+ years to a time when he wasn't in my life yet and I didn't have these girls as my daughters. Would I rather still be that single woman who was searching or am I happy to have the wrinkles, the children, and the best husband in the world? I now embrace my wrinkles just as I embrace the loves of my life!
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